pngtree-cartoon-man-character-giving-a-speech-png-image_4641750I ought to turn that title into a book!

1  Don’t use one word when five will do.

2  Use a flowery language that no-one can understand. They won’t admit that they don’t know what you’re talking about. They’ll nod in agreement with you.

Example; Mortals who dwell in vitreous edifices should not possess morbid propensities towards disestablishmentarianism.

This simply means; People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

3  Always be there to help, but never never do the work yourself. If your boss asks for a glass of water, say you’ll sort it out for them and then ask someone else to fetch a glass of water for the boss.

4  Learn everyone’s names. I can remember 10 names after an introduction. My party trick is to repeat them all. The secret is not to think you’re being polite by pretending you can remember. There’s that nod again! Ask them to repeat it, and make a show of remembering them all. Toss their names into the conversation regularly, but NEVER NEVER GET THEM WRONG. People hate that.

5  Start all your sentences with pointless words like Basically, Fundamentally, or IMHO. (In my humble opinion.)

6  Look directly at everyone, even if they drop their eyes. Smile while you do it. But don’t stare.

7  Mirror people’s body language. Cross your legs the same way, fold your arms if they do it, nod if they nod, lean forwards at the same time as them, etc. It’s a simple way of controlling them.

8  Never butt in or interrupt anyone. One terrible fault that a lot of people have is walking up to a group and immediately starting to speak. They might be having a serious conversation or be on the phone. Walk, then wait to see what’s going on.boring-work-young-business-people-looking-bored-sitting-together-table-looking-away-71518165

9  Vary the tone and volume of your voice. Is your voice boring? Record yourself and listen carefully. Do you repeat yourself? Stop doing it!

10 Watch people carefully while you’re talking to them. Are they twitching, wishing you’d shut up? If someone’s quiet, ask them a question to bring them into the conversation.

11 Read incentive books. The most famous is How to make friends and influence people, by Dale Carnegie.

The Americans are good at writing incentive books, but most of them just copy each other, with the addition of cheesy expressions like I can and I will, Tuck away a buck a day, and many more. Do read them until you get fed up with them all repeating the same things. Try and make up some cheesy sayings of your own.

12 Some Companies like to start the morning with loud music playing and some unwinding exercises. It’s supposed to limber them up, physically and mentally. Then they all say how great they feel and they’re raring to start working.

You could suggest doing this and lead the group. Or show enthusiasm if they already do it.

One problem with this is, women carry handbags and are well-prepared for the day. But most men rarely carry things like deodorant or cologne, so they can get quite whiffy by the afternoon.

13 Which brings me neatly to no 13. Watch your personal hygiene!

14 Always carry a notebook and several pens. Make a note immediately of anything interesting. If it’s something that someone says, nod and say, Ooh, that’s interesting! then write it down.

Here are some quotes about talent.

Why not write some of your own? Then print them out and stick them up on your wall.

“There is no such thing as a great talent without great willpower.” Honore de Balzac

“Use what talent you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” Henry Van Dyke

“A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage.” Sydney Smith

“Embrace your talent and pursue it. You won’t believe what you can accomplish.” Anonymous

“Doing easily what others find difficult is talent; doing what is impossible with talent is genius.” Henri Frederic Amiel

Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent. Marlon Brando

Good luck – and keep smiling!