It is very stressful being Woke. You have to watch yourself. There are so many UnPC pitfalls to fall into. You must be wary of being un-Woke. You must be politically correct all the time. Which is why we had such a terrible time naming our new vacuum cleaner.
We didn’t want to be sexist about it.
It was an anniversary present. I wanted a dog and my wife wanted a new hoover. So we compromised. I got her a droid and we christened her Pam.
This being a sentimental tribute to a lovely lady who used to come for two hours a week before her feet puffed up and she went on disability benefit.
And anyway, Pam is easier to say than Dreame Bot Z10 Pro. And somehow she doesn’t look a Charles. Although of course, one should never judge a hoover by its looks. It’s what’s inside and stays inside that matters.
Robo -cleaners and house-proud AIs (Artificial Intelligences) are not the future. They are already here, hoovering away and programmed to detect and remove.
The vacuum has now morphed into a smart household cleaning appliance. The humble hoover is now “leveraged by astrodynamic technology.” Not manually. And several companies are looking to clean up.
Pam is reliable, punctual, thorough and adaptable. And good to have around. She is all you’d want from an unpaid house servant and live-in home help. You’d never know she’s Chinese.
Not that there is anything wrong with a hoover being Chinese. Or German or British , for that matter.
Pam’s a marvel.
She doesn’t sing while hoovering and she doesn’t help herself to the sherry decanter. She leaves everything where she finds it. She is a valued member of the family and gets on with Alexa extremely well. We couldn’t do without her. She lives quite happily with her handsome charging tower under the kitchen sink.
My wife is very happy with her new Dreame Bot. We both are. A Dreame Bot is great to have around the house.
Not only does it save on electricity compared to human hoovering, she thinks it’s been good for me. It’s company. Pam and I go for walks together. Indoors. I follow her around the house all day, watching what she does and making sure she doesn’t miss anything. We have fun together. I throw things in front of her and take great joy at seeing her picking them up. Her sensors allow her to identify and avoid sucking up things likes slippers and puppies.
Her programming only took ten minutes. Altjhough it took an hour and two “Ask A Friend” text and phone calls, to understand the instructions. Even, the ones in English.
But Pam became operational with very little snarling on our side. She can remember three floor plans and your house’s layout. Meaning you don’t need to point at or write notes about what needs doing. Pam works very happily and just as efficiently when no one is in. She doesn’t put the television on. We don’t need a licence for her but she came with a health warranty. But at $683/ 500 Euros/ £510, she is most definitely pedigree..
She will never be the same as dear old Pam who had begun to trip over our carpet sills and needed help getting up the stairs. The robot Pam we have to carry upstairs as she can’t cope with them. The reason the Daleks didn’t conquer the universe was the stairs.
The lady or man who comes in and does for you could soon be no more. Maids and house servants could soon be extinct. Human home helps could soon be made redundant. Cleaning services will shortly be performed by state-of-the-art robots.
Dreame, which is part of the Xiaomi Ecological Chain, manufactures advanced robots which go that extra mile and don’t talk back. The mop and duster is a thing of a past and will soon show up on the Antique Roadshow as a curio.
The first thing that drew me to Pam was her double air ducts and the low noise. My wife was impressed by her four levels of suction and large water tank.
Pam comes with an integrated mop, high-precision laser navigation system and obstacle sensors. 180ml water tank and 13 sensors. She had a run- time of 150 mins and doesn’t stop to gossip. She doesn’t need a coffee every 700 sq feet She understands German, Italian, French as well as English. Pam and I are alike. We obey instructions from a drone.
The android called Pam will pay for herself in no time. Although we still have to deal with the cobwebs ourselves. She is totally house- trained and auto-empties itself after every single clean. She re-routes dust into her 4L dust collection bag which can hold up to 65 days’ worth of gunk. She also re-charges herself. And not from your drinks cabinet.
Dreame CEO & Founder, Mr. Yu Hao, majored in computational fluid mechanics at Tsinghua University. In 2009, Yuhao launched a space research project called “Sky Workshop”, the earliest hackerspace in China. The Dreame team has secured over 150 core patents including monocular machine vision and SLAM (simultaneous localization and mapping) which helps Pam not get lost and find her way out ion the street and get run over by a lorry.
Pam has quickly proved herself a treasure.. And is much quieter than our next door neighbour’s noisy Dyson.