IAIN ROBERTSON 

Thames Clippers

Not so long ago, writes Iain Robertson, the British motor industry used to possess a creative sense of humour that peppered its PR output around the First of April annually, today it is clearly under pressure and the giggles are few and far between.

Skoda

We can always rely on Skoda, a brand that once used to tolerate the butt-end of humour all year round, as it revealed, this April, its anti-annoyance factor head restraints, conceived and developed by the good Dr April Fuerst and Prof. Si Lence. Intended to cancel out the family buzz, or noise, within the firm’s latest Karoq model, a lack of pricing availability might hinder the in-car harmony.

McLaren

Supercar manufacturer, McLaren, took some time to outline its meticulous attention-to-detail, even producing an in-house video of company personnel checking that ceramic floor tiles have remained in position and the depth of the pond outside the factory is constant. Mind you, this could be the consummate anti-AFD* (April Fools’ Day) jape, because McLaren is most particular about the teensiest of details.

Seat

Seat determined that its Arona Crossover model deserved some recognition, especially with the Copper paint choice of some examples. It has introduced a penny coin-op system, although we are assured that 2p coins can also be inserted. This not only enriches the car’s paint finish but also proves that it is exceedingly inexpensive to live with. Potential owners are urged to search between and below sofa cushions for errant coinage, especially since the government has been contemplating copper coin removal from our monetary system.

Hyundai

South Korean car producer, Hyundai, revealed that a special track surface was responsible for the first-class dynamic behaviour of its i30N hot hatchback. Apparently, the blending of cocoa, butter and milk has enabled the firm to make track records of how its cars use the road surface. Whether or not it gives you a flavour for the car is not mentioned.

MG

Finally (although there are others), Chinese carmaker, MG, suggests that it is investing in specially dried Alpaca poo, to power its latest MG ZS model. Following its decision not to sell diesel alternatives in the UK, MG wants to seek an alternative fuel that will help to keep emissions low, while using animal emissions.

Castle Combe

At Castle Combe racing circuit, in Wiltshire, the owners discovered a medieval by-law that proposes the use of the infield as grazing for local shepherds (and their flocks) as well as cattle. Quite what effect this will have on competitors forced into avoiding free-range farm animals is anybody’s guess but appropriate signs are being erected.

Travel around London might be improved with the introduction of MyClipper, a one-man, USB inflatable that uses Bluetooth technology, via mobile-phones, to harness the battery-powered engine. Naturally, the mini-boats reflect the styling of the larger MBNA Clippers that trawl the Thames, carrying tourists and commuters, according to Dutch designer, Paolo Frils.

On the other hand, minor dent removal firm, ChipsAway, has announced that it is entering the fast food sector with its Fish&ChipsAway mobile snack service…a Harley Street weight loss specialist has employed hypnotherapy services to start its first HypnoSuction process that is hoped will have an immediate weight loss for its customers…https://www.hypnoslimming.com/hypnosuction.html this Pooch & Mutt (dog food manufacturer) has used the Macameyung berry, picked in an Amazon forest, to include within its new Back2Pup recipe that is designed to make your favourite pet younger by the day…but, finally (this time!), the Malvern Hills Trust has decided to fit bionic boots to the downside legs of its hill cattle, to resolve arthritic issues that have been occurring.

Now, if you believe any of that little lot, you will also be aware that the haggis is a fine Scottish creature, which has developed naturally, slightly longer downhill legs. The Haggis circulates its hilly home territory in an anticlockwise direction. However, wily hunters have now discovered that they can ambush the shy creatures (without using either firearms, or fearsome traps), forcing them to turn-about. This unsettles them and they roll helplessly into trappers’ nets at the foot of the hills.

Happy April Fools’ Day!

 

About Iain P W Robertson

Frequently being told to 'go forth and multiply', Iain P W Robertson's automotive wisdom is based on almost forty years in the business, across all aspects from sport to production, at the highest levels. He likes dogs and drives a Suzuki (not related).