The Very un-British Art of Self Love – how to become more confident
The message is simple start loving you and others will notice! I don’t think that us Brits in general are very good at self-love, but I do think we perhaps champion in moaning about the weather and self-criticism. Anyway, I was wondering in general how many opportunities are lost simply to a lack of confidence, quite a few I imagine. Indeed, I would say that when you are at a low ebb confidence wise it is natural to become inactive and not push forward and thus opportunities get missed. There are certainly many business coaches and life coaches that promote that self love is the way forward in achieving success.
If you feel that you could do with a confidence boost you might like to look at the results of a 2013 study published in the “Journal of Experimental Social Psychology” found that simply recalling a moment when you were confident can increase levels of self-confidence. Well, that seems like a good tip to remember and I would say that this rule could be applied to any element of life whether business or personal, for example, when wondering whether to apply for that promotion or whether to send off that manuscript for review then it may be an idea to reflect on a time that you felt super confident and maybe even had experienced success.
So with Valentine’s Day looming I asked Relationship coach and Tantra Master, Mal Weeraratne is confidence in a woman sexy? He replied, ‘’to a confident man there is great attraction in a confident woman. In fact confidence can act as a wonderful aphrodisiac.’’ Indeed a needy woman can be a turn-off to a secure man, because it hints at her neediness and can also become quite a strain, whereas, a secure woman radiates inner strength and independence which are qualities that successful men find appealing, especially when combined with femininity. It’s the same rule for men, a quietly confident man is attractive to a woman, no independent woman wants a needy and clingy man. So if you are looking for love this Valentines then it might be worth considering you’re your ideal partner would be looking for and it seems that generally women love men who have confidence blended with humility and men love women who have confidence blended with femininity.
Self-confidence is core when it comes to be being attractive and Mal Weeraratne explains that it is very important that you work on your inner self before worrying about finding a partner. He explained that ‘you don’t find a soulmate, they find you’. You can read more about soul mate attraction in this article. However, what he and other coaching gurus seem to be pointing at is that when you are confident you are magnetic because you are able to be engaging; you are able to be open and honest and you appear focused and in-control of you. Indeed when it comes to being attractive its not all to do with looks, but instead inner strength.
The first step to becoming attractive and charismatic is to practice some self love and work on becoming a more confident individual. Try these steps for 10 days and see the difference in how you feel and how others react to you:
Step 1: Remember a time you were confident. It doesn’t matter why you were confident or how long ago it was….just remember it and when you are feeling low on confidence just recall that bout of confidence past and how good it felt.
Step 2: Record a confident memory or memories in a notebook or journal. Include details of the situation, such as how you thought, acted and felt. Write as much detail as possible about the confident experience. Keep writing about positive experiences in your journal and reflect on them until you re-experience the feeling, even if its only a glint of some of the positive feelings. When you recall these thoughts and feelings, you stimulate that part of your brain that knows how to be confident. So the more you do this, the stronger your confidence neural network in your brain becomes and science backs up this theory.
Neuroscience shows that we have “neurogenesis,” which means we can form new neurons in our brains and “neuroplasticity.” This means we can change how the neurons connect, thus creating new thinking and emotional patterns. Re-experiencing a confident memory strengthens the confident neural networks of your brain.
Step 3: Create new confident memories. As you complete steps one and two you should create new confident incidences and experience new bouts of confidence, record these and suddenly you’ll have more memories to draw positive memories from.
Step 4: Read your journal daily and re-experience your memories until you can bring back the feeling of confidence.
Step 5: Try and add a new memory each day and repeat steps one and two.
Step 6: Reread and re-experience all the confidence memories you previously recorded. Every time you stimulate your confidence neural network with a confidence memory, it gets stronger and larger. The more you practice this exercise the easier and more natural it will become.
Step 7: This may be hard to do at first, but without your inner critic piping up, write down all the things you love about you. It doesn’t have to be many, but you will find as you work through the steps it will become easier.
Step 8: Each morning position yourself in front of the mirror and say a positive affirmation to yourself, it can be anything, such as, ‘’I am a strong and confident man/woman’’. You may feel silly at first, but stick with it.
Commit to this process and in no time at all you’ll be more confident, have more self love and become naturally more alluring and experience more opportunities in life.