If we Brits aren’t wingeing about the weather, we’re moaning about our size, noses, and general appearance.

Our doctors make a small fortune, dishing out prescriptions for anti-depressants to people who are obsessed about how they look, whatever age they might be.

My recent trip to Tobago was a real mental shake-up! A lot of the women there are BIG. But do they care? No they don’t! They live life to the full.

They wear low-cut dresses, belted at the waist, way above the knee, and tight-fitting.

Big Brits get their clothes from Rent-a-Tent, thinking that camouflage makes them look slimmer.

Tobago ladies have amazing hair-styles, often with loads of tiny plaits, and dyed in different colours, piled on top of their heads.

I asked a waitress how long it took to do her hair and she replied, Five hours.

Big Brits often have long, stringy hair, or just as bad, short hair shaved above their necks.

Tobago ladies stay fresh and clean, even after they’ve been working hard for hours in the hot sun.

Big Brits find physical work an effort. They’re often drenched with sweat marks.

I think it’s the medication they take.

Tobago ladies can trot along daintily, despite their size, and break into a dance if they hear any music. They all seemed to be fit and healthy.

Big Brits lean a lot and often shuffle along, bent forwards, with the help of a couple of walking sticks, or they ride around in mobility scooters, getting in everyone’s way.

They often have tattoos and a fag in their mouth.

Tobago ladies love their food, and enjoy discussing it.

Big Brits are all on permanent diets – well, verbally anyway. They are scared of food and miserable about what they eat. They also lie to themselves and won’t accept the truth about how many calories they consume in a day..

Tobago ladies read books and magazines, then put them down and forget about them.

Big Brits stare miserably and jealously at the airbrushed photos of models and celebrities and vow that they will look like that next year, or they make catty comments about famous people’s appearance. Then they have a cream cake to cheer themselves up – except it doesn’t. It makes them feel worse.

But the main difference between Tobago ladies and Big Brits is, Tobago ladies all have wonderful, happy, contented smiles on their faces.

Big Brits scowl. They get upset if they think someone’s looking at them.

I asked one Tobago lady about being big and happy, and she replied, ‘Oh yes! And the men love it!’ And there was a lot of meaning behind her words!

Big Brits have headaches…

Tobago men make eye contact and flirt. They make a woman feel good!

big3British men hunt in packs and they all think they’re the funniest comedians in the world.

They are brainwashed by the Media.

Belly-patting is popular while they swig their beer. They’ll cruelly criticise women’s age and appearance, making them feel worse. But they never mention dieting to their fat-bellied mates.

But get some of them aside one at a time and ask them to honestly and seriously say which they prefer, a dressed-up stick insect, or a real, curvy woman with flesh on her bones!

big4Beryl Cook the artist had the best idea on Big British women; enjoy yourself and have a laugh, like the Tobago ladies do. And avoid all the medication; happiness is the best cure for anything!

From now on, I’m going to dress up in figure-hugging clothes, and eat, drink and be merry. To Hell with diets and self-criticism. Life’s too short!

Twitter: tnt_steelypan

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About Lyn

LYN FUNNELL CV (well, sort of!) Lyn had very successful careers as an Air Hostess, Sales Rep, (she was one of only a couple of women. She beat all the men regularly, becoming the Top Rep in the UK, and 2nd in the world.) And then Catering took over. She did everything from the washing-up, to Silver Service Waitress, and Chef. A few times, she had to cook the meal, dash round the other side and Silver Serve it! In between all this, she wrote as often as she could, building up a reputation as a published short story writer, (Horror and a twist in the tale,) and a Poet. She has appeared as a Performing Poet, and a Demo Chef. Then she discovered the world of the Food & Travel Writer. And that’s what she has continued doing to this day. Her main hobbies are Cookery and entering Competitions. She has won many prizes, including holidays and a moped. She enjoys entering Competitions, submitting her original recipes. She was first in many Competitions, including the Good Housekeeping Millenium Menu, Fruits of France, Bernard Matthews Turkey Recipe, and appeared on BBC’s The One Show Spag Bol contest. She was one of three Finalists, coming 2nd, which makes her Britain’s Spag Bol Queen! Now she runs B-C-ing-U! and loves it! After several years of being messed around by Editors, and having loads of contacts, Lyn formed her own online Magazine, vowing to treat her writers fairly, and to do everything possible to further their careers, publicise their books, etc. She now has a band of excellent regular writers, and the Magazine’s going from strength to strength! Lyn’s online published books; Adverse Camber A collection of my published poems. The First Book of Short Stories The Second Book of Short Stories The Third Book of Short Stories. Many of these stories have been previously published. St Anthony of Padua. The Patron St of the Old. A story of one woman’s terrible ordeal in a Home, and her family’s rescue of her. The Girl Who Watched. A Cuban girl is attacked by an English journalist & what follows! Willy the Whizz & the Wormhole. Suitable for Young Adults, aged 15-95! Get Out Of Debt And Stay Out – Forever! Unsympathetic, hard-hitting, realistic solutions to your problems. All these books are published by Andrews UK Ltd No, I didn’t pay them to Vanity Publish! They’re all available from Amazon, and many other online publishers. LYN FUNNELL.