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If we Brits aren’t wingeing about the weather, we’re moaning about our size, noses, and general appearance.

Our doctors make a small fortune, dishing out prescriptions for anti-depressants to people who are obsessed about how they look, whatever age they might be.

My recent trip to Tobago was a real mental shake-up! A lot of the women there are BIG. But do they care? No they don’t! They live life to the full.

They wear low-cut dresses, belted at the waist, way above the knee, and tight-fitting.

Big Brits get their clothes from Rent-a-Tent, thinking that camouflage makes them look slimmer.

Tobago ladies have amazing hair-styles, often with loads of tiny plaits, and dyed in different colours, piled on top of their heads.

I asked a waitress how long it took to do her hair and she replied, Five hours.

Big Brits often have long, stringy hair, or just as bad, short hair shaved above their necks.

Tobago ladies stay fresh and clean, even after they’ve been working hard for hours in the hot sun.

Big Brits find physical work an effort. They’re often drenched with sweat marks.

I think it’s the medication they take.

Tobago ladies can trot along daintily, despite their size, and break into a dance if they hear any music. They all seemed to be fit and healthy.

Big Brits lean a lot and often shuffle along, bent forwards, with the help of a couple of walking sticks, or they ride around in mobility scooters, getting in everyone’s way.

They often have tattoos and a fag in their mouth.

Tobago ladies love their food, and enjoy discussing it.

Big Brits are all on permanent diets – well, verbally anyway. They are scared of food and miserable about what they eat. They also lie to themselves and won’t accept the truth about how many calories they consume in a day..

Tobago ladies read books and magazines, then put them down and forget about them.

Big Brits stare miserably and jealously at the airbrushed photos of models and celebrities and vow that they will look like that next year, or they make catty comments about famous people’s appearance. Then they have a cream cake to cheer themselves up – except it doesn’t. It makes them feel worse.

But the main difference between Tobago ladies and Big Brits is, Tobago ladies all have wonderful, happy, contented smiles on their faces.

Big Brits scowl. They get upset if they think someone’s looking at them.

I asked one Tobago lady about being big and happy, and she replied, ‘Oh yes! And the men love it!’ And there was a lot of meaning behind her words!

Big Brits have headaches…

Tobago men make eye contact and flirt. They make a woman feel good!

big3British men hunt in packs and they all think they’re the funniest comedians in the world.

They are brainwashed by the Media.

Belly-patting is popular while they swig their beer. They’ll cruelly criticise women’s age and appearance, making them feel worse. But they never mention dieting to their fat-bellied mates.

But get some of them aside one at a time and ask them to honestly and seriously say which they prefer, a dressed-up stick insect, or a real, curvy woman with flesh on her bones!

big4Beryl Cook the artist had the best idea on Big British women; enjoy yourself and have a laugh, like the Tobago ladies do. And avoid all the medication; happiness is the best cure for anything!

From now on, I’m going to dress up in figure-hugging clothes, and eat, drink and be merry. To Hell with diets and self-criticism. Life’s too short!

 

www.gotrinidadandtobago.com

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British Airways: www.britishairways.com/Tobago

Flights from £567 return