10 Even More Ways to spot a Brit Abroad.
- Brits go to Reception to meet their Rep on the first morning and keep talking for as long as possible, telling them about all their other holidays and ignoring the tutting queue behind them. They believe the Rep thinks they’re really interesting.
- Brits love to ride along in Mobility Scooters, taking up all the pavement. They’re often senior women with a tattoo on her arm and a fag in her mouth, or extremely large men with ditto; tattoo on arm and fag in mouth, followed by a blast of their asthma spray. You can often see the women in the evenings, bopping around in the bar with a brandy in her hand. She thinks the local air does her good.
- Brits won’t stray far from their all-inclusive hotel in case they miss a meal. They don’t eat anywhere else as they’ve paid for all their meals. Then they go home and regale everyone with details of the country they’ve just visited, even though they’ve only seen the hotel and the airport.
- Brits don’t ever speak to tourists from other countries, especially the Germans.
- Brits must buy a daily British newspaper, even if it’s 24 hours old.
- Brits queue outside the restaurant 10 minutes before it opens, even though it’s three hours since breakfast and they’ve just had a slice of pizza beside the pool. As soon as the doors open, they push everyone aside and rush in to get a table.
- Brits get upset after two days if anyone else sits at ‘their’ table, in the bar or restaurant. It puts them out if they have to sit somewhere else. They’ve taken over from the Germans as the worst culprits of placing their towels on sunbeds. We knew one woman who would get up at 3am to reserve their sunbeds. Apart from watching a couple having sex on the beach, she also had soaking wet towels after a storm in the early hours.
- Brits loudly give advice to new arrivals as though they’re experts on the area.
- Brits have to get a tan. They spend ages slathering suntan oil all over, and comparing white marks.
- Brits pack their own sweeteners, which they take with their tea after a huge fry-up and three slices of cake. They’re going to start their diets again when they get home.
Am I being cruel about my own race? Well, you try it. You can walk into any airport, bar, restaurant, hotel, etc and almost immediately you can play ‘Spot the Brit.’ There’s something about their dress, body language, and I-don’t-know-what that makes them easy to pick out.
I know. I do it regularly!