1. Brits go to Reception to meet their Rep on the first morning and keep talking for as long as possible, telling them about all their other holidays and ignoring the tutting queue behind them. They believe the Rep thinks they’re really interesting.lyn6
  2. Brits love to ride along in Mobility Scooters, taking up all the pavement. They’re often senior women with a tattoo on her arm and a fag in her mouth, or extremely large men with ditto; tattoo on arm and fag in mouth, followed by a blast of their asthma spray. You can often see the women in the evenings, bopping around in the bar with a brandy in her hand. She thinks the local air does her good.lyn9
  3. Brits won’t stray far from their all-inclusive hotel in case they miss a meal. They don’t eat anywhere else as they’ve paid for all their meals. Then they go home and regale everyone with details of the country they’ve just visited, even though they’ve only seen the hotel and the airport.lyn2
  4. Brits don’t ever speak to tourists from other countries, especially the Germans.lyn5
  5. Brits must buy a daily British newspaper, even if it’s 24 hours old.lyn
  6. Brits queue outside the restaurant 10 minutes before it opens, even though it’s three hours since breakfast and they’ve just had a slice of pizza beside the pool. As soon as the doors open, they push everyone aside and rush in to get a table.lyn3
  7. Brits get upset after two days if anyone else sits at ‘their’ table, in the bar or restaurant. It puts them out if they have to sit somewhere else. They’ve taken over from the Germans as the worst culprits of placing their towels on sunbeds. We knew one woman who would get up at 3am to reserve their sunbeds. Apart from watching a couple having sex on the beach, she also had soaking wet towels after a storm in the early hours.lyn8
  8. Brits loudly give advice to new arrivals as though they’re experts on the area.
  9. Brits have to get a tan. They spend ages slathering suntan oil all over, and comparing white marks.lyn4
  10. Brits pack their own sweeteners, which they take with their tea after a huge fry-up and three slices of cake. They’re going to start their diets again when they get home.lyn7

Am I being cruel about my own race? Well, you try it. You can walk into any airport, bar, restaurant, hotel, etc and almost immediately you can play ‘Spot the Brit.’ There’s something about their dress, body language, and I-don’t-know-what that makes them easy to pick out.

I know. I do it regularly!


About Lyn

LYN FUNNELL CV (well, sort of!) Lyn had very successful careers as an Air Hostess, Sales Rep, (she was one of only a couple of women. She beat all the men regularly, becoming the Top Rep in the UK, and 2nd in the world.) And then Catering took over. She did everything from the washing-up, to Silver Service Waitress, and Chef. A few times, she had to cook the meal, dash round the other side and Silver Serve it! In between all this, she wrote as often as she could, building up a reputation as a published short story writer, (Horror and a twist in the tale,) and a Poet. She has appeared as a Performing Poet, and a Demo Chef. Then she discovered the world of the Food & Travel Writer. And that’s what she has continued doing to this day. Her main hobbies are Cookery and entering Competitions. She has won many prizes, including holidays and a moped. She enjoys entering Competitions, submitting her original recipes. She was first in many Competitions, including the Good Housekeeping Millenium Menu, Fruits of France, Bernard Matthews Turkey Recipe, and appeared on BBC’s The One Show Spag Bol contest. She was one of three Finalists, coming 2nd, which makes her Britain’s Spag Bol Queen! Now she runs B-C-ing-U! and loves it! After several years of being messed around by Editors, and having loads of contacts, Lyn formed her own online Magazine, vowing to treat her writers fairly, and to do everything possible to further their careers, publicise their books, etc. She now has a band of excellent regular writers, and the Magazine’s going from strength to strength! Lyn’s online published books; Adverse Camber A collection of my published poems. The First Book of Short Stories The Second Book of Short Stories The Third Book of Short Stories. Many of these stories have been previously published. St Anthony of Padua. The Patron St of the Old. A story of one woman’s terrible ordeal in a Home, and her family’s rescue of her. The Girl Who Watched. A Cuban girl is attacked by an English journalist & what follows! Willy the Whizz & the Wormhole. Suitable for Young Adults, aged 15-95! Get Out Of Debt And Stay Out – Forever! Unsympathetic, hard-hitting, realistic solutions to your problems. All these books are published by Andrews UK Ltd No, I didn’t pay them to Vanity Publish! They’re all available from Amazon, and many other online publishers. LYN FUNNELL.