By Queen B-Lyn

Let’s start with the positive….

I love coming home after a trip away and seeing the progress in the garden and the allotment after just a few days. Today we’ve got fresh courgettes, spinach, onions and potatoes. The cucumbers are growing rapidly, and so are the runner beans. And we’re going to have a glut of tomatoes, but I don’t mind as I’ll use them all. And now back to the bed saga.

Yesterday morning I was awakened by a phone call. (Remember that I’m really ill with Aircon Flu) It was a man saying: Mrs Funnell?


It’s Bodge-up Beds Here. I spoke to your son yesterday.

I haven’t got a son.

(For goodness’ sake, no-one, not even if their deaf aid had low batteries, could mistake Hubby John for a young lad! And what right had this twit got to pre-guess our relationship? And surely the clue’s in Mrs Funnell?)

Well I spoke to someone. Your headboard’s here and your son said he’d come in and pick it up.

I haven’t got a son and I want it delivered and fitted.

Sigh. I’ll see what I can do. (Hangs up.)

The phone rang again and an efficient woman, whose voice made it clear that she was used to sorting things out behind the Twit, said: Mrs Funnell?


Would you like us to deliver and fit your headboard?

Yes please.

Two men will be there tomorrow morning.


Two men turned up at 11.30, and said: We have your headboard here. Would you like us to fit it?

Yes I would.

They unwrapped the headboard and the wooden bits and pulled the bed out. Then I hear one of them being sent to the van. This was followed by a call,

Sorry, we can’t fit your headboard. We haven’t got any bolts long enough. But (Wait for it!) two men will come and fit it this afternoon.


A man with a screwdriver and some bolts in his hand turned up just now and fitted the headboard. He was friendly and  chatty, as people with brains so often are!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to climb into my new bed with matching headboard, and try to sleep off this flippin’ bug!


About Lyn

LYN FUNNELL CV (well, sort of!) Lyn had very successful careers as an Air Hostess, Sales Rep, (she was one of only a couple of women. She beat all the men regularly, becoming the Top Rep in the UK, and 2nd in the world.) And then Catering took over. She did everything from the washing-up, to Silver Service Waitress, and Chef. A few times, she had to cook the meal, dash round the other side and Silver Serve it! In between all this, she wrote as often as she could, building up a reputation as a published short story writer, (Horror and a twist in the tale,) and a Poet. She has appeared as a Performing Poet, and a Demo Chef. Then she discovered the world of the Food & Travel Writer. And that’s what she has continued doing to this day. Her main hobbies are Cookery and entering Competitions. She has won many prizes, including holidays and a moped. She enjoys entering Competitions, submitting her original recipes. She was first in many Competitions, including the Good Housekeeping Millenium Menu, Fruits of France, Bernard Matthews Turkey Recipe, and appeared on BBC’s The One Show Spag Bol contest. She was one of three Finalists, coming 2nd, which makes her Britain’s Spag Bol Queen! Now she runs B-C-ing-U! and loves it! After several years of being messed around by Editors, and having loads of contacts, Lyn formed her own online Magazine, vowing to treat her writers fairly, and to do everything possible to further their careers, publicise their books, etc. She now has a band of excellent regular writers, and the Magazine’s going from strength to strength! Lyn’s online published books; Adverse Camber A collection of my published poems. The First Book of Short Stories The Second Book of Short Stories The Third Book of Short Stories. Many of these stories have been previously published. St Anthony of Padua. The Patron St of the Old. A story of one woman’s terrible ordeal in a Home, and her family’s rescue of her. The Girl Who Watched. A Cuban girl is attacked by an English journalist & what follows! Willy the Whizz & the Wormhole. Suitable for Young Adults, aged 15-95! Get Out Of Debt And Stay Out – Forever! Unsympathetic, hard-hitting, realistic solutions to your problems. All these books are published by Andrews UK Ltd No, I didn’t pay them to Vanity Publish! They’re all available from Amazon, and many other online publishers. LYN FUNNELL.