Reading Harry Pope’s article about wrestling reminded me of a poem that I wrote.
It has been published in a couple of books.
When I was the Head Waitress at a golf club, I met the wrestler Mick McManus at a charity golf dinner.
He had a black synthetic wig on and I’m 5 ft tall, but he stood beside me and he wasn’t much taller. I’d always thought that he was huge when I’d seen him on the telly!
I used to give a lot of talks to various groups and Societies, especially the WI.
At the end of my WI talks I would read this poem to them, and afterwards, without fail, one of the women would come up to me and say quietly, ‘That was me. I’m Great Auntie Alice!’
Why does wrestling bring out an aggressive streak in mature ladies? Is it their only form of release?
Actually, come to think of it, billiards has the same effect! My Mother and my late Great Aunts would sit up until the early hours to watch the billiards, and get very emotional about it!
Thank goodness that our generation has rock music!
THE SATURDAY NIGHT THAT I TOOK GREAT AUNT ALICE TO THE WRESTLING
BY Lyn Funnell
I took my old Great Auntie Alice
To the wrestling Saturday night.
To tell you truth she invited herself;
She said she enjoys a good fight!
She was always so Christian and proper;
She must be a Jekyll and Hyde.
I’ve never known anyone alter as much
As she did when she got inside!
As soon as the wrestling started
She was hurling abuse at the ref,
And when he didn’t take any notice of her
She shouted out, ‘Oy, are you deaf?’
With an angry roar Thunderguts Watkins
Collided with Killer McGee,
And my Great Auntie Alice sat howling for blood;
I pretended she wasn’t with me!
The two huge gargantuan wrestlers
Performed their spectacular falls,
Then my Great Auntie Alice got up and she yelled,
‘Go on, kick him hard – in the stalls!’
Then she grabbed her long pointed umbrella,
Her eyes filled with sadistic gleams,
And she impaled poor Thunderguts like a kebab,
Who screamed his first genuine screams.
The last time I saw Great Aunt Alice
She was cursing as she disappeared
Up the aisle with two big beefy bouncers as guards
While all of the audience cheered.
I’ve heard Great Aunt Alice’s court case
Comes up Tuesday morning at ten.
I don’t care if she’s guilty or if she’s let off-
I’m not taking her wrestling again!
LYN FUNNELL CV (well, sort of!)
Lyn had very successful careers as an Air Hostess, Sales Rep, (she was one of only a couple of women. She beat all the men regularly, becoming the Top Rep in the UK, and 2nd in the world.) And then Catering took over. She did everything from the washing-up, to Silver Service Waitress, and Chef.
A few times, she had to cook the meal, dash round the other side and Silver Serve it!
In between all this, she wrote as often as she could, building up a reputation as a published short story writer, (Horror and a twist in the tale,) and a Poet.
She has appeared as a Performing Poet, and a Demo Chef.
Then she discovered the world of the Food & Travel Writer. And that’s what she has continued doing to this day.
Her main hobbies are Cookery and entering Competitions. She has won many prizes, including holidays and a moped.
She enjoys entering Competitions, submitting her original recipes. She was first in many Competitions, including the Good Housekeeping Millenium Menu, Fruits of France, Bernard Matthews Turkey Recipe, and appeared on BBC’s The One Show Spag Bol contest. She was one of three Finalists, coming 2nd, which makes her Britain’s Spag Bol Queen!
Now she runs B-C-ing-U! and loves it!
After several years of being messed around by Editors, and having loads of contacts, Lyn formed her own online Magazine, vowing to treat her writers fairly, and to do everything possible to further their careers, publicise their books, etc.
She now has a band of excellent regular writers, and the Magazine’s going from strength to strength!
Lyn’s online published books;
A collection of my published poems.
The First Book of Short Stories
The Second Book of Short Stories
The Third Book of Short Stories.
Many of these stories have been previously published.
St Anthony of Padua.
The Patron St of the Old.
A story of one woman’s terrible ordeal in a Home, and her family’s rescue of her.
The Girl Who Watched.
A Cuban girl is attacked by an English journalist & what follows!
Willy the Whizz & the Wormhole.
Suitable for Young Adults, aged 15-95!
Get Out Of Debt And Stay Out – Forever!
Unsympathetic, hard-hitting, realistic solutions to your problems.
All these books are published by Andrews UK Ltd
No, I didn’t pay them to Vanity Publish!
They’re all available from Amazon, and many other online publishers.